help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize