I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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