how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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