ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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