those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
