Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
