HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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