I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you traded sex for a burrito?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
