But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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