Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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