Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
