I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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