I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
