there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
