just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
