I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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