dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
