We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
