like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
