I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
