also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
