Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
