he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
