fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize