I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
