I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize