I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize