Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
