i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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