I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
