well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
