There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
