I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
