I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
