nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
