I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
