I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
