I love black thongs
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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