Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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