I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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