Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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