the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize