the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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