i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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