Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
