Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
