I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
