All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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