Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
