I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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