Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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