Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Boobs are out for the taking
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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