I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
