last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
