i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
