whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
