my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
