So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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