I bet he comes in French.
only if we run a train.
done.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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