I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize