i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
