one two three fourrrrnication!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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