I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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