Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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