OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
