i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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