Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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