So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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