Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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