Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
