Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh god it's open bar.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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